it's never easy to understand why memories hold our hand but people let go

SUPER JUNIOR FAN FIC REQUESTS :-)

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:46:20 GMT

i have this new laptop, you see, and i plan on typing my face off soon because i'll finally have a keyboard that works!!! plus, i've been dying to write some good ol' suju fanfics.

here's where you guys come in! if you've read my stuff and you like it, feel free to request a type of fic, certain pairing, whatever, and i will do my best to fulfill your wishes! just fill out the form below and comment with it and i will see what i can do!

pairing:
rating:
genre:
prompt:

fyi i'm not a fan of every pairing, especially if it's nc-17/smutty, but take a chance anyway!

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:33:55 GMT

this isn't anything, just a start to a deathfic that i wanted to save so just ignore afkj

there is a chill, and despite the other shivering bodies huddling around him, he is still cold. empty. he is burying the love of his life this day, this moment, and no amount of comfort or kind words would ever make him okay again. the minister speaks such beautiful words and quotes such meaningful scripture, but the feeling as if his soul had been sucked out of his body wasn't going to go away. the minister's entire purpose of being there is to be a comfort, to guide the newly freed soul to where it belongs. eun hyuk resents that worker of God. he resents everything at the moment. who said he wanted anyone to leave, to cross over? who said that anything that's happening is what he wants? a friend drapes his arm around eun hyuk's shoulders and pulls his wet face close, concealing it and hoping to muffle the deep sobs that are escaping. he can't hear the cries he's exuding, he can't feel the warmth of another's body. he is alone, cold, and shivering in a world where there's one less angel and now, no reason for him to stay.

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 05:50:42 GMT

title: comfort me
author: attell
rating: pg maybe
word count: 3563
pairing: there are a mess of pairings: eunhae, hanchul, kangteuk, henwook, blah blah you'll find out
notes: it's not like it's a slutfest lmao idk

part one
when the idea of super junior mandarin came to be, the first reaction from most of the members was excitement! the only one who outwardly expressed his displeasure with this idea, even months and months later, was hee chul, and his reasoning for feeling the way he did was selfish.

"i hate to leave as much as you hate it," han kyung lied while in mid-argument with hee chul one afternoon out on the balcony. hee chul was seated stiffly in a chair while han kyung had begun to pace.

"i don't want to hear it."

hee chul brought his cup of juice up to his lips and sipped, serving as a form of finality to the conversation, much to han kyung's aggravation.

"i really wish you wouldn't be like this."

han kyung finally stopped pacing and came to rest against the side of the house, now out of hee chul's sight. the older male continued to drink his juice and not bother to look at the other, his feelings obvious; he didn't think he needed to say anything more.

moments later, hee chul got up from his chair and walked past han kyung to go back inside, not uttering another word to him. slipping indoors and walking down the hall towards the steps leading downstairs, he passed kang in, their gaze on each other lingering for a few moments before hee chul disappeared down the staircase.

kang in was on his way to ee teuk's room, to talk to him about m's approaching departure. the leader liked to congregate all the members and have a calming sit down. he liked them all to be together right before they were pulled apart for a set amount of time, which tended to drag on despite the activities that kept them busy.

knocking politely twice, which was something kang in never did, he waited for a response before entering. lately, ee teuk had been a little weird, he had all these unexpressed emotions and tended to lash out for no reason. it was taxing for him to be away from the members he was meant to look after.

"you want some breakfast? lunch?"

ee teuk had gone back to bed and stretched out after getting the super junior m members up to get ready for their flight. he didn't like to watch the others get packed up. he missed them greatly when they were away. kyu hyun, ryeo wook, shi won, han kyung, and especially dong hae. dong hae was so sweet and needy, teukie adored the attention the younger boy demanded from him. his adoration for the boy was most of the reason why he felt so sick inside. let's just say, ee teuk was no angel.

when sj-m went away, everything shifted. everyone shifted.

after ee teuk declined the offer for a meal, he joined kang in, who led him out towards the common area, where six of the boys were already spread out among the floor and furniture, watching television. yeh sung was laid out on the floor next to sung min, who was cuddled up to a big pink bear. shin dong was in a solitary chair and ki bum sat on the end of the couch, dong hae and eun hyuk curled up together as one on the other end.

ee teuk's eyes caught eun hyuk's and for a few moments, a silent conversation commenced between the two. it was interrupted when dong hae nuzzled his face into eun hyuk's neck, moaning softly in happiness. eun hyuk tightened his arms around dong hae's torso and kept him close, his eyes eventually coming to focus on the television.

it didn't take long to call everyone together, everyone but hee chul. they were all used to the second eldest never being in attendance, just like they were used to seeing the guilt on han kyung's face and the disappointment on the leader's. a few brief words were shared and then there were hugs given all around. most of the boys experienced some serious homesick-ness and this was for them, just as much as it was for ee teuk. once everyone scattered to put the finishing touches on their packing or went to go back to sleep or left to eat, two remained on the couch; the only two boys who were open and honest with everyone about what they meant to each other.

dong hae was still curled up against eun hyuk, his long strands ending up covering the exposed parts of his face. the younger of the two began to rattle off a few phrases in mandarin, like he was practicing, and eun hyuk kissed at his shoulder softly all the while. all the members could see how hard and taxing it was for eun hyuk and dong hae to spend so much time apart, but they handled it as best they could. when sj-m came home, the two became inseparable again for however long they had. it was sorta sweet.

"all packed?"

dong hae's ears twitched unhappily and he sighed. "nope, gotta pack up one more thing." and dong hae's arms squeezed eun hyuk's midsection.

the slightly older of the two grinned and gently ran his hands over his counterpart's back, enjoying the warmth of the other man and always in awe of how perfect their bodies fit together.

"afraid i'd be a bit too big to fit in a suitcase." eun hyuk whispered, his lips pressing a kiss to dong hae's forehead afterwards.

"then you can be my carry on, sit in my lap and all, no one will mind, right?"

both men snickered softly and their arms seemed to tighten around each other. it slowly became silent, one of those kinda awkward silences, where someone wants to confess things but they know they won't, they don't want to make things harder than they already are.

keep the good times together good.

viewing the quiet scene between the apparent "love birds" was han kyung, his silhouette far enough out of view that neither of the younger males could see. he watched though, with a heavy heart and guilty thoughts.

no one in that house was innocent. everyone was taking advantage of another's loneliness. he knew it was only a matter of time before it took its toll and everything would fall apart. at that moment, all he prayed for was that he wouldn't be the one to chip away that first piece and cause the rock slide.

part two
it was weird but kyu hyun had become accustomed to hearing the familiar noises of sex coming from the next room. hotel room walls weren't that thick, after all. he and zhou mi shared a room most nights and after the two had settled down from talking for a bit, they'd hear the two. at first, it was hard to imagine ryeo wook having sex but after the first few times, kyu hyun quickly realized that his cute act was just that, an act, and wookie was indeed a sexual creature. and henry? well, he musta known what he was doing.

being on the road and away from home and the other members did make kyu hyun kinda lonely. he missed the nights cuddling up with sung min or ee teuk. he missed watching shin dong and eun hyuk play pranks on kang in and then have to run for their lives so he wouldn't kill them. ahh, those days.

"lemon drop for your thoughts?" came zhou mi's voice from the bed across the way. kyu hyun hadn't noticed that he had kinda zoned out and was just staring at the ceiling like a zombie.

"oh.." kyu hyun laughed under his breath and shook his head, glancing over at zhou mi. "just a little homesick."

zhou mi nodded and snuggled into his blankets a bit. the next noise they heard was a loud thud of wood hitting the wall and both men grinned and snorted.

"bet they love being in china."

kyu hyun laughed and nodded at the other's remark, his fingers brushing his bangs back away from his face. "yea, i bet."

some shuffling of sheets later, he was being told to move over a smidge and kyu hyun did without argument, allowing zhou mi to slip into the bed and under the covers with him. the darkness helped to cover any awkwardness, thankfully.

"as much as i like all of the group, our little subgroup is the best."

kyu hyun caught the other's wink, even in the dark, and he felt himself nod a little in response. he wasn't sure he actually agreed but having his bandmate so close, when normally he wasn't, was clouding his head with thoughts that matched the sounds coming from next door.

and now there appeared to be even more noise coming from across the hall to dong hae, shi won, and han kyung's room. most nights, dong hae let his hyungs have the beds and he slept in the chair, but this night, he needed arms around him, especially with all those noises plaguing him.

he crawled onto han kyung's bed and cuddled up to his back, his arms tight around the china man's waist, and hannie was quick to wake up and rub over dong hae's soft hands with his own.

"you okay?"

a few moments of silence.

"it's noisy.." dong hae mumbled with his face pressed inbetween han kyung's shoulderblades.

moments later, he heard han kyung sigh (see? it was noisy!) then he slowly sat up and pushed the blankets down off of his upper body. dong hae released and pulled away, sitting up in the bed himself. he quickly glanced across the way to see if shi won was still asleep, and once he noted that he was, his attention returned to han kyung.

"like teenagers," was han kyung's comment.

dong hae chuckled under his breath and began to fiddle with a piece of the blanket between his fingers.

"it's kinda cute!" dong hae remarked.

han kyung shook his head slightly and began rubbing the sleep from one of his eyes. "yea, a mouse and a hamster going at it. adorable."

dong hae was even more amused now and he thought of eun hyuk, wishing the boy was there to laugh along with. they had the same funny bone and for some reason, whenever dong hae thought something was funny, he always wanted to check to see if eun hyuk thought it was funny, too.

han kyung turned to look at dong hae, who always seemed to have this doe-eyed expression on his face. innocence shimmered in his eyes and seeing him play with the blanket in such a childlike manner, it just added on to the sweetness that this boy seemed to emit.

it was so much different than what he was used to.

"so."

han kyung wanted to bring up eun hyuk, he wanted the other to make this easier on him here. every lonely fiber in his being wanted what he'd taken from dong hae before, but living with such a guilty conscience was becoming unbearable. and it wasn't hee chul he felt guilty over.

"soo, i'm sleepy."

dong hae scooted closer to han kyung and moved to stretch out on the bed alongside the other. he patted the spot right next to him and smiled, wanting to cuddle up to his hyung and possibly find some rest that way. he needed the comfort. slowly, han kyung did move to lay out next to the other, but it didn't take but a few seconds of watching those gorgeous eyes follow his every move for han kyung to break. he leaned down and brought their mouths together, hearing a short gasp of breath; surprise. inside han kyung's chest fluttered rapidly and he didn't bother to hesitate in bringing his hand up to touch dong hae's cheek, hoping to keep the other from ever moving away.

slow and sweet wasn't hee chul's style so experiencing this sweetness, gentleness, always made han kyung's body tingle. not even his agonizing guilt could overshadow the rush, the heart-racing goodness he felt, which explained why it continued to happen. han kyung didn't know dong hae's side of it but he was optimistic in thinking that dong hae wouldn't ever hate him for this. for his weakness. his hand slid up into dong hae's hair and he slyly maneuvered more of himself ontop of the younger male. the kissing seemed genuine, sincere, honest, and any outsider who didn't know the sordid truth, would swear the two shared something deep and meaningful.

shi won knew different. shi won knew that dong hae and eun hyuk were involved, supposedly "in love", and even though shi won didn't entirely support what was going on, between any involved, this infidelity was unforgivable. it wasn't the first time he'd watched this scene unfold, but he kept his silence. he loved his family more than anything and he wasn't going to be the one to cause riffs and what could possibly be irreversible damage.

part three
"i don't believe in love, hyung." sung min mumbled into his arms. across the table from him was yeh sung, who was eating a bowl of cereal at a glacial pace.

"you don't believe that i love you?" yeh sung scooped himself up another spoonful of cereal and brought the utensil up to his mouth.

"no, i don't mean that kind of love."

sung min looked depressed, empty, and he kinda wished he was eating some cereal, too. it looked good, but he knew food wasn't going to make him feel better. he'd just eaten, anyway. that wasn't why he felt empty.

"don't press it too much, minnie. love will find you."

yeh sung normally wasn't one for imparting wisdom, especially positive wisdom, and that was obvious by the look of surprise on sung min's face. yeh sung didn't even look up when he spoke, he was reading and doing the puzzle on the back of the cereal box.

"well, i'm impatient.." sung min huffed and hid his face in his arms again, his further grumbling going unnoticed, as well as another's presence now in the kitchen.

"can i steal this?"

yeh sung looked up from his box whenever he saw that someone else's hand had grabbed it. ki bum gave a smile and tugged once on the box, the other's grip tightening.

"i'm reading it."

ki bum laughed softly and tugged on the box again. "c'mon let go, i'm hungry."

yeh sung's eyebrows furrowed and he actually kinda looked slightly intimidating. he was glaring pretty much, and eventually, ki bum's laughter subsided and he released the cereal box.

"oh okay. i'll just see if there's.. something else to eat."

sung min had lifted his head up to observe the scene and he snickered to himself once ki bum had gone over to the cabinets to find something edible.

"let me make you something, ki bummie!" sung min had stood up from his seat and went over to his friend, his arm slinging around the other's shoulders.

"make me something, too!" came shin dong's voice from the common area.

min's shoulders deflated and he huffed. "aish.."

ki bum gently patted sung min's back. "we'll make something together. for everyone! except yeh sung hyung.."

both boys grinned and snickered before putting their heads together and trying to decide what they wanted to make for the members that were home.

and out of those members, two of them were hee chul and kang in. hee chul was sitting at the foot of his bed, one leg crossed over the other, wearing a pair of loose pajama bottoms. if he was one to freely indulge in alcohol and cigarettes, he'd have a glass in one hand and a smoke in the other. his bare chest was littered with small sweat drops and the only noise he could hear, aside from the obnoxious yelling coming from downstairs about the pros and cons of cupcakes, was the slight labored breathing coming from behind him.

he turned his head just enough to see his bandmate stretched out under the sheets of his bed, obviously in no hurry to dress and vacate the scene.

"so.." hee chul looked down at his knee, which his fingers were now smoothing over. "have you told him?"

kang in brushed his damp messy bangs off his forehead and sat up, his eyes scanning the floor for the articles of clothing he wished to put back on.

"him?"

kang in quickly found his boxers and reached down to grab them, then he pulled them on and sat back on the mattress, leaning down once again, but for his own pajama pants this time.

hee chul scoffed lightly and uncrossed his legs, only to cross the other one over this time. "ee teuk."

kang in had stood up to pull on his pants and once he had, tying his little strings too, he looked over at hee chul who was looking anywhere but at kang in.

"there's nothing to tell."

as much as it seemed like hee chul wished to cause some drama, stir things up, make life a little less boring and routine, he was secretly glad kang in knew when to keep his trap shut. their arrangement saw to it that they both got what they needed and the other things they wanted? they got from the other people in their lives.

besides, it wasn't hee chul's fault that ee teuk was never there for kang in, physically or emotionally or anything. the two of them were pretty much in the same boat.

"you know, you're a good guy."

kang in was the one to scoff this time, his head shaking as he picked his shirt up from off the floor.

"don't tell me that."

"it's true."

"it's not true." kang in tugged his shirt on.

"well, i think you are."

a silence rose up between them and it lingered for a few awkward moments before kang in shook his head again and exhaled loudly.

"are you hungry or anything? can i get you so-"

"i'm not ee teuk," hee chul interrupted. he got up from the bed and ran his fingers through his short dark hair, finally looking at the other. "i don't need you to baby me or do things that i can do myself."

and that was when kang in took his leave.

he knew he should shower but he was hungry and had thought he heard someone mention cupcakes earlier. what he didn't anticipate was crossing paths with ee teuk and eun hyuk coming back from sukira the same time he was making his way to the kitchen. instead, he ducked into the bathroom, hoping neither had the chance to observe his appearance too closely.

eun hyuk had his arm around ee teuk's shoulders and he was making his hyung laugh, which seemed to be quite the feat these days. eun hyuk had kicked the front door shut with his foot and was leading the leader down the hallway. just short of the common area, ee teuk stopped, which stopped his younger companion as well.

"what's wrong?"

in the dimly lit corridor, ee teuk gently pushed eun hyuk up against the wall and instinctively hid his face in the boy's neck. eun hyuk glanced in the direction of distant voices and let out a sigh when he felt ee teuk's arms wrap around his waist and squeeze.

"this place saddens me, hyukkie."

eun hyuk brushed his hand over ee teuk's hair gently, his other arm wrapping around the man's shoulders, hoping to comfort.

"it shouldn't. it's home, it's full of people who love you."

"do you?"

eun hyuk shut his eyes for a brief moment or so and took a deep breath. "you know i do."

ee teuk brought his head up off of eun hyuk's shoulder and looked at his friend, sighing to himself. "i'm sorry, i'm depressing."

eun hyuk used both of his hands to push teukie's hair back away from his face, then he pressed a single kiss to his forehead, much like ee teuk did when he tucked his members in to bed.

"you're fine."

happy with the attention he was being given, ee teuk leaned in and softly kissed eun hyuk's mouth, his own hands holding onto the fabric of the boy's shirt.

talk of cupcakes was becoming louder and louder to their ears so eun hyuk carefully pushed the leader away but quickly looped his arm with teukie's, to keep him close and hopefully, happy.

"let's get something to eat, hmm?" eun hyuk started to walk towards the kitchen, ee teuk in tow.

no, ee teuk wasn't hungry. he knew all too well why eun hyuk pulled away. why he couldn't stand to have him kiss him. despite all the reasons why he shouldn't touch eun hyuk, let alone do anything else with him, he couldn't help himself. the emptiness didn't hurt so much when eun hyuk was close, making him laugh, kissing his face. he resented himself for wanting to take another's love as his own, but surprise kisses in a dark corridor weren't enough.

kang in stood frozen in his spot by a slightly creaked open door, which had a great view of a certain hallway.

ee teuk's not enough was kang in's undoing.

10 : NUMB

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:57:56 GMT

title: numb
author: attell
rating: implied drugs, sex, alcohol and some blood but eh
pairing: hee chul/hee chul, implied hee chul/other person
notes: #10 (shiver) of the super junior fic challenge

may 12th, 2013. a single occupant penthouse in downtown seoul. a busy city, a once busy life. a messy place. a party zone.

a phone rings in the otherwise dead silence.

ring. ring.

the granite countertops in the kitchen are covered with alcohol bottles, empty, half empty, un-opened, white lines of powder, dirty money.

ring.

the floor is covered in uneaten hors d'oeuvre's, spilled alcohol, and pieces of shattered glass.

ring.

clothes were scattered all over the bedroom floor; his bedside lamp was smashed to pieces due to a rogue shoe. the air reeked of bourbon, sex, irresponsibility.

ri-

a click, signaling the answering machine was coming on. a voice once idolized spoke up and said two words.

"leave it."

beep.

"uh.. hey, it's me. i know it's been a while since i called and i'm sorry for taking so long. umm." an ominous moment of silence. "i didn't really want to leave this on your machine but since you're either not picking up or aren't there, i don't have a choice. it turns out that... i won't be coming back like i thought i would. life happens, i'm sure you understand. i.. i do hope you're doing well. i miss.. your face," a sigh followed the confession. "take care of yourself. bye."

an echoed click sounded through the large, cold apartment, and as he raised his head off his knees, he quickly ushered in a well needed breath.

his eyes red, lips off color, fingers trembling, the cool bathroom floor felt good against his overheated skin. he wrapped his weak arms around his knees and kept them close to his chest, his teeth chattering. clutching his knees to still them, he closed his half open eyes, not quite ready to pick himself up off the floor.

"i won't be coming back like i thought i would..."

he wasn't surprised. everyone else had abandoned him, why not the love of his life? it was coming to a pathetic end but he wasn't the least bit afraid. he'd never been afraid of anything.

so he sat. shivering, needing his next hit, his next lay, his next night of losing himself in drugs, sex, and alcohol. if what he'd done was so unforgivable, he was willing to pay the consequences. he already was in hell.

"save me.." he mumbled through trembling lips, his eyes beginning to water. "forgive me." a whisper.

sniffling, he sobbed into his quaky knees, his breathing shallow and uneven. some nights, he prayed for death to come. living destructively in hopes for a change of heart was no way to live, but he'd given up trying to live any other way. without him, he saw little point.

the tears seemed never ending but eventually, after a sad, pathetic hour of pitying himself, he pulled his thin, used body up off the tile ground and tried to hold his own on his shaky legs. he stumbled forward and caught himself, thankfully the sink was there, his hands clutching both sides, like he was about to throw up into the basin.

he looked up and saw himself in the mirror. he had stopped doing so months ago. his gentle feminine features had hardened and aged, his eyes were puffy and red, always red, his skin rough. he wasn't the same attractive man that girls, and guys alike, wanted to chase after. he wasn't himself.

picking up the small but heavy metal hand soap dispenser, he threw it at the mirror and stepped back in shock as it shattered into many pieces. he whimpered in pain when a shard cut his shoulder, not too deep but deep enough to cause blood to instantly seep from the wound and slip down, staining his white wife beater.

he reached his shaky hand up to his shoulder and covered where it hurt, only to pull it away moments later, seeing the blood covering his pale palm. the sight of so much blood caused him to tremble more, unsure of what to do now.

stumbling his way out to the kitchen, he got a dishrag from off the stove, holding that to his cut. it stung a little and he didn't know how much help it'd be. he pressed down harder on his shoulder and crouched down on the floor.

he felt like sobbing his stupid little eyes out. he felt like dying right then. he was almost afraid that he was going to die. he felt light headed, sick, hot and cold at the same time. he wondered if it hurt to die. for a brief second, he wondered if the pain would be too much.

no pain would out beat the pain of the love of his life leaving him.

ten minutes later, he was now sitting on the ceramic tile floor in the kitchen, resting against the lower sleek dark brown wooden cabinets. the cloth felt heavy but he was afraid to take it away to see if the wound had stopped bleeding. regardless, he pulled himself up and walked the few feet to his answering machine. before he could reach it, he tripped over his own uncoordinated feet and fell to the floor, the dishrag falling away from his shoulder. thankfully, it didn't appear to be bleeding as profusely.

with not enough strength to pick himself up, he reached out to feel along the wall for the plug to the phone. minutes passed and he was able to find the wire and tug down the answering machine from the kitchen counter. it hit him in the arm but he didn't care. he pulled it closer and set it in front of him, seeing the blinking light. he pressed the button, to play the messages, then he laid his cheek down against the cool floor, exhaling loudly.

there were thirteen messages on the machine. the first twelve were magazines, talk shows, wanting to talk to him about his destructive life and old fame, no doubt, but the last message? the last message was what he wanted to hear again. to hear his voice again, he wouldn't mind going out like that. he curled up as best as he could and closed his eyes, hearing it click one more time.

"uh.. hey, it's me."

44 : WHEREVER LOVE IS FOUND, IT WILL CROSS DISTANCES

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 06:48:52 GMT

title: wherever love is found, it will cross distances
author: attell
rating: it's a deathfic so bring a tissue or don't read or whatever lmao :-/
pairing: it's supposed to be eun hyuk/eun hyuk but a lot of people are in it. eun hyuk/dong hae.
notes: #44 (rejection) of the super junior fic challenge. there are flashbacks and stuff and they are in italics. i hope you guys can follow along! i don't think it's really all that sad :/

a thin layer of snow clung to the wood of the balcony and laid gingerly upon the plastic furniture scattered around the small outdoor gathering place. seated on the railing with his legs hanging over into the open space was eun hyuk, his bare hands clutching the splintering wood, as if reminding himself that he wanted to live, that he was hanging on. the snow that continued to sprinkle from overhead perched on eun hyuk's eyelashes, the sleeves of his jacket, his shoes, his beanie. slowly, he looked up at the dull sky and exhaled loudly, his eyes searching.

"you're selfish, is what you are. i have practice with m which i'm late for, and it's cause you're selfish." dong hae mumbled into the pillow he shared with eun hyuk, who laid up on his hip beside hae with nothing more than a sheet keeping the two of them barely decent. eun hyuk leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lover's exposed and bare shoulderblade.

dong hae turned his face enough to peek over at eun hyuk and of course, some of his bangs ended up covering half his face, but since his hands were tucked all neatly under the pillow directly beneath his head, he couldn't clear his own view.

"see, that just isn't nice of you to say."

eun hyuk brushed dong hae's bangs away delicately, as if that was how the boy needed to be handled, then playfully pushed his cheek to get one up on the other.

dong hae gasped and pushed himself up onto his hands and knees before lunging at eun hyuk, easily knocking the other onto his back, and he began punching his chest with loosely formed fists and hardly any strength behind it.

eun hyuk faked pain anyway and tried to grab dong hae's hands to still them and once he had, after a few tries, dong hae thrashed and thrashed against him, in that pretend kinda way, but then laid perfectly still when he felt warm lips pressed to his knuckles.

"you don't play fair, lee hyuk jae." dong hae whispered and moments later, their mouths found one another and exchanged short, sweet kisses, and had eun hyuk known it was the last time he'd kiss that mouth, he would've kissed him until neither had any breath left in their lungs and any doubt in their hearts that love crosses all distances.

eun hyuk reached one of his own shaky hands up and touched his fingertips to his quivering lips. he could barely remember the feeling of dong hae's mouth against his own. he'd spent the last three days lost in memories, in silence, and not a single tear had fallen from his eyes.

"eun hyuk.."

he was startled from his thoughts and found himself looking down, his hands returning to the railing. for acting like the only one hurting, he resented himself, but he couldn't bring himself to grieve with everyone else. even jun su had come by to try to offer comfort but not a word had left eun hyuk's mouth since...

"you're going to freeze to death if you stay out here much longer."

there was a slight tug on his arm and eun hyuk pulled away, his eyes still downcast. it wasn't a long way down or anything, but it was at least one escape. the wind seemed to be picking up and it whipped at eun hyuk's delicate face without a care about the damage it would cause. the snow fell light and each snowflake would evaporate the instant it touched his warm skin. if only he could mimic those snowflakes. if only he could find a way to disappear from view until it no longer hurt to breathe.

over thirty minutes of pleading for eun hyuk to come inside went unnoticed and he was eventually abandoned for warmer climate. eun hyuk didn't mind the cold. snow was beautiful and dangerous. cold stings and stabs. it reminds a person of their mortality. he got down from the railing and sat down on the deck, his back to the rails. nothing caught his eye but he stared at something, or nothing. his hands were shaking in alarm, his nose, cheeks, and ears, red and numb. he was alive. this was proof.

screeching tires, flipping, screams.. eun hyuk woke up and found himself in a hospital bed. he could remember everything that had happened in the accident and he couldn't remember passing out and he was beginning to panic...

"ee teuk!" he called out frantically.

almost instantly, he was quieted by two fingers over his mouth and a gentle hand slipping through his hair. he glanced up and saw dong hae, who smiled, but whose face and eyes were awfully red.

"you're not supposed to scream in a hospital. it's kinda like a library in that sense." he weakly snickered and removed his fingers from the other boy's mouth.

"where's teukie? shin dong? kyu hyun? where's kyu hyun?"

eun hyuk grabbed onto dong hae's free hand and gripped as hard as his current strength would allow.

"they're here, they're alright, just calm down."

dong hae resumed running his hand over eun hyuk's hair, wanting to soothe him as best as he could. eun hyuk took a deep breath and tried to relax, his eyes falling shut, hoping to achieve his desired state.

"you know.. you really scared me." dong hae's voice shook and eun hyuk couldn't help but open his eyes and look at the other. "when i heard.. i prayed to god you were okay." dong hae's eyes had begun to water but he didn't appear ashamed. "i mean, i wanted all of you to be okay, but i prayed that you'd be okay, that you wouldn't leave me cause.. there's just so much we haven't said. so much we haven't done and.. dammit eun hyuk.. you aren't allowed to leave me."

the tears rolled down slowly and eun hyuk squeezed dong hae's hand gently.

"i would never leave you."

seconds later, the two shared in their first kiss, much to eun hyuk's surprise. up until that point, eun hyuk had never felt something as real as he did that day. of course, there were people that cared if he lived or died, but he had someone who would've not only mourned him had he died, but mourned a future, a life, that fate wanted them to share. he had realized that day, in that moment, that he had found his soulmate. that his soulmate had been right there in front of his eyes for years.

when that memory seeped away and he began to awaken, he was surrounded by warmth and whispers, both of which were too far away to truly register in his sleepy condition.

"the funeral is on thursday."

"yeah. it's messed up, having to bury one of our own."

"i don't even want to think about it."

two different voices were nearby and then a third appeared, and it sounded like the owner of that voice had just entered the room, just as unaware as the other two that eun hyuk had woken up and could hear the conversation around him.

"we all need to take turns taking care of eun hyuk."

that statement was followed by silence but even with his eyes closed, he could tell he was being looked at and pitied.

"i've never seen him like this. obviously, nothing tragic like this has happened before, but.."

"he'll pull through. i know hyuk jae. he'll survive."

jun su. always so sure of himself and what he knew.

"you sound so sure."

"i've known him for a long time. you know we grew up together. we've lost pets together. i've seen him through some of his worst days and he always finds something to hold on to."

a sigh from one of the other two followed and once again, eun hyuk could feel eyes on him. now that he was somewhat more awake, he could make out the other two familiar voices.

"i don't know." ki bum.

"this is different than losing a pet." sung min.

"i know that but the principle's the same. you don't give up, not even during the times when it feels like all hope is lost. i know he knows that he has us and that we're going to fight for him."

"jun su.. the man he loves just died. i mean, i want him to be okay more than anything, i love eun hyuk so so much, but.." a sniffle. "i wouldn't be okay. it wouldn't be easy for me to just pick up my life and carry on. you fall in love, you find your future, you make plans, you have everything you think you need and love and then.. you're sitting outside for six hours in the freezing snow, not speaking, and not feeling anything!"

sung min heaved a sob and tried to control his emotions but they got the best of him. eun hyuk felt a weight on the bed he was laid out on and now, one of his hands were held between two others which were warm.

"come on, hyuk jae."

sung min's voice trembled with sadness and he pressed a soft kiss to eun hyuk's hand. all of them were already going through the loss of a close friend; he imagined that worrying about losing a second was causing emotions to run extremely high.

"that's why we fight. that's why we remind him that we're here for him." jun su sighed lightly. "i'll stay with him for a while. you two should be with the others."

his best friend's voice was the most comforting thing eun hyuk had heard, felt, in what felt like forever. the weight on the bed slowly gave way and eventually, his hand was set back down onto the mattress. even though he couldn't see, he felt his two friends leave. such a warm presence disappeared too soon, but he wasn't alone. no, he was. he was all alone now.

"i know i always make fun of your ears but you'd look even more silly if you let them fall off due to frost bite."

the other was near but he hadn't come as close as sung min had. just yet, anyway. eun hyuk kinda wished he would move closer, he could use the warmth.

opening his eyes and moving his head slightly to the side where jun su's voice came from, eun hyuk saw his childhood best friend and exhaled. jun su gave a cute little wave with two fingers then he settled back in the seat he was sitting in, this pitiful kind of smile on his face.

"well hello. you should really get yourself into a nice warm bath, your hands and face must be cold still. i can help, if you want."

eun hyuk's head was full with thoughts and with nothing at the same time. he carefully turned over onto his side and hid his slightly numb face into his pillow.

"and it's about time you said something. no one can believe you've gone three days without saying anything, you blabbermouth."

jun su crossed his arms over his chest, it was cold in the house, and he watched eun hyuk closely. of course, jun su was affected by all of this as well but the pain his best friend was experiencing was something he wished he could protect him from. eun hyuk said on occasion that jun su was his strength and now? when eun hyuk needed strength the most? jun su felt like he'd failed him.

"you may not see it now, but things will be okay. life.. finds a way of working out. this.. everything happens for a reason. i.."

jun su fell quiet when he noticed eun hyuk had stirred and was now staring at him with this.. pained expression. what had he said...?

surprisingly enough, eun hyuk pushed himself up and moved to get out of bed to stand, only to stumble and fall hard to the floor. jun su was quick to jump up and run over to eun hyuk, only to have his friend push him away. it was a weak push, jun su doubted the other could truly keep him away, so he did what he had to and grabbed eun hyuk as he sat down on the ground, pulling eun hyuk's upper body into his lap and cradling his head against his chest. there was no fight this time. eun hyuk had no fight left in him.

after a few minutes of silently rocking the other, jun su could feel his t-shirt become wet with warm tears and it only made him hold eun hyuk even tighter. it was the first time he'd seen him cry over this. little did jun su know that it was indeed the first time he'd cried since those few days ago. he was glad that eun hyuk was letting it out. if only he knew what to say to help the other let go.

sukira was cut short that night when they received a call from han kyung, saying there'd been an accident. ee teuk was only able to talk to him for a few moments but when he hung up, the look he gave eun hyuk made the younger boy feel cold and scared all over.

hand in hand on the car ride there, eun hyuk wanted to know everything that ee teuk knew, but the larger part of him was too panicked to know. if someone had died, ee teuk would've told him right out, right? because that'd be serious. a few scrapes, maybe a broken bone, that could easily be handled. pulling up in the hospital parking lot and walking towards that ER entrance, eun hyuk couldn't breathe. he kept telling himself that everything would be fine. hee chul had been fine, shin dong, ee teuk, kyu hyun, and himself had been fine, everything would be just fine.

once inside the ER, his eyes searched frantically for anyone he knew, for a familiar face, for one of his brothers to find him and tell him everything was just fine, no need to be alarmed.

ee teuk had eun hyuk's hand in his own tightly, forcing the younger male to stay beside him and not freely run around the hospital alone, like eun hyuk was some little kid or whatever. actually, eun hyuk didn't mind so much, it was somewhat calming to have his hand held.

in the chairs, the first two he saw were ryeo wook and kyu hyun, hugging each other with red eyes and wet faces. ee teuk must've seen them too because his hand squeezed eun hyuk's.

where's dong hae? was eun hyuk's next thought.

han kyung had spotted the two dj's and got up from his own chair, leaving henry to cry alone. there was zhoumi kinda off to the side and shi won was standing over by the ER doors, leading to where they couldn't go.

dong hae, where are you?

"teukie!"

they both turned around and coming in behind them was kang in, sung min, and shin dong. ee teuk abruptly let go of eun hyuk's hand and moved closer to han kyung, their voices lowering instantly. eun hyuk watched his chinese friend wipe at his face a few times and then he, too, looked at eun hyuk the same way ee teuk had back at the radio station.

"where's dong hae?" eun hyuk's voice finally showed up.

the three who had just come in began to look around the chairs for their bandmate, while the ones who were already seated just bowed their heads or hid their faces in their hands.

"where is he?!" eun hyuk raised his voice, his tone distressed.

before waiting for an answer, he reached out for han kyung and grabbed his shirt, non-intentionally shaking him, as if that would produce an answer from him.

"tell me! where -"

"eun hyuk, calm down," were teukie's soft words.

shi won glanced over at the scene and for a few moments, it was silent, aside from scattered crying amongst the band members.

"is he hurt? was he in the accident?"

every second he wasn't being told anything, the more his insides squirmed and tightened and he thought he was going to throw up. that was it. eun hyuk left the chairs area and went over to where shi won was, with every intention of going in there and finding dong hae. a part of him was still clinging to hope that dong hae was just in the bathroom or something.

"you can't go in there, hyukkie." shi won said calmly.

"no one's giving me a choice."

"he was on his way to the studio for practice. he was running late, which isn't like him. someone said that someone ran a red light.. we aren't entirely sure what happened.."

eun hyuk's breath seemed to halt in his chest and it felt like everything around him had begun to move in slow motion. he could feel each pulse of his veins, hear every beat of his heart, and he had begun to shake.

"he's just got a few scratches, right? is he as bad as kyu hyun was? is he awake? have you guys seen him?"

shi won's face fell and he looked down at the floor. brushing hair behind his ear, he sighed, his nostrils flaring for only seconds before eun hyuk saw tears well up in his friend's eyes.

"shi won.. please tell me he's okay. please.." eun hyuk's voice disappeared as he glanced back at the ER doors, his eyebrows furrowed. it felt like the entire group was watching him, waiting for something, and eun hyuk felt so unstable. he needed to see dong hae to regain his balance.

throwing all cares to the wind, eun hyuk moved forward and went to push open the ER doors, only to have shi won wrap his strong arms around him and pull him away.

"he's gone, hyuk jae."

eun hyuk's eyes widened at the sound of his name, at the other words he just heard. what? was this some kind of joke, like one they'd pulled before just to get him to cry?

"wh.. no, you're crazy."

eun hyuk fought against the other's grip and grunted in frustration upon realizing that shi won was way stronger than him and he wasn't going to be going anywhere any time soon.

"let go! let me see him! i need to see him!"

he could sense every pair of eyes on him, he could hear the sobs and feel the pain surrounding him and he began to hyperventilate.

"let go! let me go!"

he continued to scream despite the lack of oxygen in his lungs, his fight to be free not dwindling. soon enough, kang in and ee teuk came over and tried to help calm eun hyuk down, but he kept shoving and doing all he could to break free.

"he needs me! let me go, dammit!"

seeing the tears on ee teuk's face, in kang in's eyes, temporarily stopped eun hyuk's attempts for freedom. this wasn't funny anymore. if this was a game, he didn't want to play. with tearless eyes, he watched his friends around him, and he couldn't take in what this really meant.

"teukie.. what.."

ee teuk had leaned his body into kang in's, who held onto the leader; he appeared to be the most emotional of all. with the sobbing surrounding him and shi won's own warm tears falling on his head, eun hyuk finally got it. he finally believed.

it was sung min's watch and he sat on the end of eun hyuk's bed, his sad eyes observing the man in front of him. one of his friends. his best and closest friend. he looked so weak, so tormented, even in sleep.

"i don't know if you can hear me, but i just wanted to say that.. we miss him too, ya know? not saying you're being overdramatic or anything, but we know what this loss feels like. nothing's going to bring him back but.. you still have a chance. i don't think we'd survive if we lost you, too."

sung min sniffled and reached out, gently touching eun hyuk's foot. it was warm for once, thanks to the four pairs of socks they'd put on.

the funeral was today and eun hyuk knew he needed to say his piece. he needed to find some kind of closure. he'd spent an entire week in his own head, with only his thoughts to plague him, and he made everyone worry that he was going to die along with his love. no one knew how badly he wanted to die that day, clung to shi won, his friends all around him in tears. the only thing that could've comforted him was dong hae, and that was the one thing he could no longer have. a week later with an overwhelming sadness hovering over everything, it was now or never.

"i know.." whispered eun hyuk, tears lingering in his eyes from the latest memory that had replayed in his head.

sung min glanced up and smiled at his friend, apparently happy to hear his voice and see him awake.

"good morning!" sung min greeted.

eun hyuk slowly sat up in bed and took a deep breath. "i'm sorry for worrying you. for being like this." he wiped the tears away and even doing just that was exhausting.

"no one blames you. no one is judging you."

"i blame me. i'm judging me."

"eun hy -" sung min fell quiet, unaware of what to say to that, so he moved up onto the bed and sat indian style, prepared to listen, because it looked like eun hyuk had something to say.

"he was rushing that night because of me. because i-"

"eun hyuk, don't blame yourse-"

"no sung min, it's the truth. i begged him to stay a little longer. i begged him cause i was horny. i made him late because i was selfish and.." he felt himself get choked up, so he stopped for a moment to breathe and collect himself.

sung min got up and sat up beside eun hyuk, his arms wrapping around the other's torso and he used a hand to coax eun hyuk's head onto his shoulder.

"i didn't get to say goodbye. or tell him how much he's changed my life. i never got to tell him how cute his snoring is and how adorable he is when he plays with his hands when he's nervous. i never told him about the plans i made. i never got to ask him to be mine forever. death rejected me.. why couldn't it reject him too, minnie? is this punishment for being a sinner? i want to see a silver lining, i want to be optimistic and find the good, but as you can imagine, i'm having a little trouble with that."

sung min brushed his hand over eun hyuk's hair over and over again, shh'ing him quietly until he'd calmed down.

"you may not see it, hyuk jae, but you got to love. i know dong hae's not here but you are, and love doesn't just disappear. love survives. you'll be sad for a while but he wouldn't want you to be sad forever. he wouldn't want you to give up on life. death rejected you for a reason."

"i wish i knew the reason behind taking dong hae from me."

"shhh," sung min quieted him. "maybe.. maybe loving you, showing you how to love and be loved, was what he was meant to do."

eun hyuk sighed and buried his face in sung min's neck.

"you just have to believe."

"believe what?" eun hyuk asked.

"that he's still with you. that he's never really gone, and that he still loves you and always will. that you're allowed to always love him, too."

all eun hyuk could do was breathe. and believe. the end wasn't really the end, was it? he had his beliefs but this was a whole other ball game. did he want to believe? of course, because believing meant dong hae would be watching over him, that eun hyuk would be able to see him in his dreams and hear his voice when the wind blew. that somehow, some way, they would always be together.

"i'm going to love you forever."

"forever's a long time," eun hyuk pointed out.

dong hae was sitting beside him on the couch in the main room of the house, one of his legs draped over both of eun hyuk's and one arm intertwined with his.

"what, afraid of forever with me and my fists? afraid i'll be too much for you to handle?"

dong hae began playfully nudging eun hyuk in the head with his knuckles and eun hyuk tried to move away, only to be followed and attacked some more by the younger boy. now, he was sprawled out on the couch with a dong hae ontop of him, his fingers tickling eun hyuk's neck.

"you already are too much to handle, ahhh!" eun hyuk burst out into laughter and tried shoving the other away so he could make an escape.

dong hae laughed along and continued his torture, only for it to come to an abrupt stop when eun hyuk rolled them both off the couch and landed ontop of the other. he grinned and lightly poked dong hae's nose, which he scrunched up afterwards.

"go ahead and say you love me, you have that look in your eyes." dong hae said with an overexaggerated sigh following. he reached a hand up and brushed eun hyuk's messy light brown bangs away from his face and smiled.

"i love you," eun hyuk replied, a tongue sticking out after.

"forever?"

"yeah, that too."

1 : LOVER'S KEEPER

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 23:21:32 GMT

title: lover's keeper
author: attell
rating: kid stuff pfft
pairing: ee teuk/kang in, implied dong hae/hyuk jae
notes: #1 (freefall) of the super junior fic challenge. there will be a part 2, hopefully i'll have it written up soon.

having to tell the pair of dong hae and hyuk jae to calm down and keep their noise down to a reasonable level was more than just annoying for the leader; it was damn near heartbreaking.

"sorry teukie," hyuk jae apologized and nodded in politeness before walking over to the stairs, followed by a giggling dong hae, who nodded as well and mumbled his apologies, the shirt he was wearing only moments before in his hand.

ee teuk watched the two until they had disappeared upstairs, then he hung his head and rubbed at his left eye, his other hand placed on his chest over his heart. he just had to wait a little longer, they had sukira to get to soon enough and he'd have hyuk jae all to himself without dong hae being the distraction that he was. ee teuk plopped down onto the couch in the main living area, his hands now rummaging through his longer than he liked strands. seconds later, he was joined by kang in, who had a bowl of oatmeal in his hands.

"ee teuk, everything okay?"

"yes."

kang in ate a spoonful of his late lunch then sat down on the cushion two down from teukie, causing the older male to look over at him. his tummy was beginning to rumble a little.

"what're you eating?"

"oatmeal." kang in answered with a partially full mouth.

ee teuk knew he wasn't in the mood for any of that but he knew he needed to eat something. god knows if he didn't eat, ryeo wook would come out of nowhere and start cooking up a storm.

"you, uh.. you left before i woke up this morning." kang in quietly brought up as he moved his spoon around his bowl.

ee teuk swallowed hard and nodded a little, his arms crossing over his chest.

"we had the early rehearsals, you know. everyone was up early, i wanted to get back to my room before kyu hyun woke up.."

kang in ate another spoonful and slouched down a bit in his seat, his eyes focused on the food in the bowl. he kind of wished he'd sprinkled some cinnamon on it or something like that, it was a bit too bland for his liking.

"it wasn't that i didn't want to stay.." ee teuk continued, as if taking kang in's silence as hurt feelings.

"i understand, hyung."

ee teuk cleared his throat and brought his legs up onto the couch, wrapping his arms around his knees to keep them close to his chest. that way, his head could comfortably rest on his knees. it was such a pathetic position to be in, but it matched how he felt so completely. it was all wrong, he was the leader and he shouldn't feel like this.

"you look tired." kang in spoke softly, his spoon lightly hitting against the side of his bowl.

ee teuk nodded and lifted his head up, sighing just once. he always looked tired these days. thank god for make up. he felt way worse than he looked but he was grateful a little make up could cover up his misery and even make him look somewhat happy.

"i'm fine," he murmured.

kang in leaned forward and set his bowl on the coffee table before getting up and scooting over to the cushion right beside ee teuk. he wrapped a large arm around ee teuk's shoulders, bringing the older male closer to him.

"we both know you aren't fine."

with the gentle caress of his hand over the back of ee teuk's neck, kang in was able to coax teukie's head down onto his broad shoulder.

ee teuk scoffed softly and tightly shut his eyes. "maybe i just want to pretend. can't you just let me pretend?"

kang in let the back of his knuckles brush over teukie's neck for a few moments, then his arm laid back around his shoulders once again, holding him close.

"those tears last night weren't pretend and i can't ignore them anymore."

after a few moments of his insides heating up with anger, ee teuk abruptly pulled away from kang in and got up from the couch, stalking off towards the kitchen.

sukira seemed to fly by and before ee teuk knew it, his and hyuk jae's playful two hours were over and they were packing up to leave. during those two hours though, ee teuk's mood was bright and a smile never fell from his lips. he could watch hyuk jae drink strawberry milk for eternity. his laugh, his smile, the way he interacted with stuffed animals and all sorts of different play things, it caused ee teuk's heart to grow even more, more and more with love for one of his closest friends. it was dangerous but ee teuk welcomed that danger, no matter how injured he may become.

now it was late and ee teuk was exceptionally tired. wasn't he always these days? it sure seemed like it. it sure felt like he never got a moment's rest. he could barely find comfort, aside from the occasional smile he got from hyuk jae, sometimes a slight brush of his hand against his arm. there was the other issue of comfort, the kind he received from kang in.

how could he allow it to happen? how could he spend his nights in the bed of a man he didn't have those feelings for? it was like he was betraying the one he really loved. it wasn't fair to kang in, either; he deserved more than to just be a substitute, a replacement. regardless of what kang in deserved, ee teuk's main worry was disgracing the love he had for hyuk jae. it tore him up inside that he was weak enough to give his body to someone else.

"ee teuk."

he felt a few nudges to his shoulder then he opened his eyes, not having realized that he'd fallen asleep in the van on the way home. the entire night had been one big blur. he couldn't remember getting into the vehicle or even leaving the building. life was becoming routine.

ee teuk quietly thanked hyuk jae for waking him up then he pulled out his phone and began to fiddle with it. he needed a distraction of any kind to keep from falling asleep again. he thought of kang in for a moment and he sighed. ee teuk couldn't have had a better distraction than him, even though he was beginning to become numb to it all.

it wasn't like dong hae and hyuk jae had just happened out of nowhere. the two had become close then inseparable and ever since then, since that first time ee teuk caught them together in the shower, he knew he'd run out of time and chances to tell his co-host just what he felt for him. he was a coward, a pathetic coward at that, and he didn't believe he was even deserving of being able to look upon hyuk jae's sweet face.

once they arrived home, ee teuk wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and forget his own miserable existence. for at least a few hours. god knew if he'd get any sleep at all. hyuk jae touched ee teuk's shoulder and wished him good night after they'd exited the van and ee teuk forced a smile to go along with his mumble of 'sleep tight'. he couldn't escape to his room fast enough after that.

waiting by his bedroom door with a lollipop in his mouth was kang in, a second lollipop held out to ee teuk. the leader came to a stop and paused there outside the door, watching kang in with a somewhat blank expression. there was something to be said for this guy being there every time ee teuk felt like he was about to start crying his stupid little eyes out. like the younger male had some sort of radar. well, ee teuk had just spent the evening with the boy he loved but couldn't have, so it wasn't exactly rocket science.

"it's grape." kang in informed the other while playfully wiggling the lollipop in front of him.

ee teuk felt his mouth turn upwards slightly, maybe somewhat resembling a small smile, then he took the lollipop and unwrapped it.

"thanks." he mumbled right before putting the treat into his mouth.

kang in simply smiled and reached an arm out to wrap around ee teuk's shoulders, giving his arm a few comforting pats.

"you doin' alright?"

ee teuk twirled the lollipop around inside of his mouth and looked down at his feet, which were sock covered and his toes were wiggling.

"i guess."

kang in pressed a kiss to the side of ee teuk's head then began to lead him down the hallway. some parts of the house were quiet while others were still abuzz with life. as leader, he should've already tucked everyone in bed and made sure lights were out. they had another early day ahead of them tomorrow and they all needed their rest. but was he tucking them in and acting like he was in charge? no, he was sulking. he was a failure.

that was all ee teuk could think about while being led down the hall and into kang in's room. even when kang in began kissing at his neck and putting his hands underneath his shirt, all ee teuk felt was failure.

"ee teuk."

kang in's voice startled teukie, mostly because it appeared out of nowhere and broke him from his thoughts. there he was, laid out on kang in's bed on his back with his shirt pushed up enough to expose his stomach, and kang in was hovering over him, his strong knees at ee teuk's hips, his large hands on the mattress at the sides of his head. the older male took a deep breath and tried to focus on kang in's face above him, giving him the smallest of smiles.

"you're never here." kang in said with a sigh.

feeling a twinge of guilt, ee teuk frowned and turned his head to look away, only to have kang in take ahold of his face in a firm but gentle manner and make ee teuk look up at him.

"aren't you tired of it yet?"

kang in wasn't trying to upset ee teuk.. or maybe he was. maybe that was the only way to get through to the guy.

ee teuk's eyes widened and he stared up at the other for a few moments, then he quickly smacked kang in's arm away, freeing his face, and he looked away again, his eyes and nose stinging.

kang in released a sigh; no matter what ee teuk did or said to him, he would never give up. he leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the side of ee teuk's head, like he'd done before, like he did all the time, his face remaining in his soft, sweet-smelling hair afterwards.

"you know i'm not that good with words or i'd give you whatever advice i had to give," he whispered. "i just.. i hate it when you're sad."

ee teuk squeezed his eyes shut at the other's voice so close to his ear and for a split second, imagined it was hyuk jae, whispering to him, in this kind of position with him, but the next second, reality crept back in and tears began to well up.

coaxing the other's face back, kang in watched the tears fall from his eyes, his lips quivering, his hands shaking as they now held onto the front of kang in's shirt.

hyuk jae would never be with him like this and ee teuk couldn't deal with that. he could pray and pray that when he'd look again, he'd see jae, but he wouldn't. he'd only see kang in. kang in, who gave ee teuk all his time, attention, and love. kang in, who wiped his tears away, kissed his trembling lips until they were still, and brought ee teuk the best comfort he could give. kang in, who was in the same state as ee teuk; in love with a man who would never see him, but was willing to free fall for anyway.

27 : WHAT HE DIDN'T KNOW, DIDN'T HURT HIM

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:22:07 GMT

title: what he didn't know, didn't hurt him.
author: attell
rating: pg
pairing: hee chul/ki bum
notes: #27 (replacement) of the suju challenge.

the smell of hospitals made him sick to his stomach. too many times had he been there, for surgery and other reasons, like dehydration, exhaustion. and he hated having visitors. he knew what everyone said, that he was a diva and he loved any attention he could get, but truthfully, he hated to be seen like this. all pale, stuck in bed, wearing a god awful flower print hospital gown where his ass stuck out. ee teuk would come visit and on occasion, bring a few of the other members with him. hee chul made it pretty clear this time that he'd rather just go through this alone, recovery and all.

this hospital trip would only last maybe a week or so, he'd had the metal rod in his leg surgically removed the afternoon before, but he'd be off his feet for a few weeks, even after he'd be able to return home. he had a few physical therapy sessions he'd need to attend but he was a quick healer, he knew he'd fly through his recovery easily.

he had just woken up after a nap (their hospital food always knocked him out for some reason), and now he was regretting the meal. hee chul grumbled and shifted slightly in his bed, one of his hands rubbing over his stomach. even that hurt to do because his IV was in that hand. ugh stupid, stupid, he thought to himself with a shake of the head.

"fuck," he mumbled, his eyes slowly opening for their first sleepy time in hours. they needed to up his morphine, his leg was killing him. he pressed the button to signal for a nurse, after struggling to find the little control thing for about three minutes. he shut his eyes again and sighed; he hated feeling so helpless.

it only took a minute or so for a nurse to come in and inquire about what the patient needed.

"my leg is really throbbing, is there any way to up the pain meds, darlin'?"

she smiled, then shifted her eyes to the right for a brief moments before checking one of the machines hee chul was hooked up to. he looked up at the same machine and took in a deep breath.

"i don't see why not, sir, let me just go get the doctor to sign off on it."

she glanced to the right again, near the foot of the bed, then nodded and left the room. hee chul was hoping for a speedy return as he gave his thanks as she was leaving. he could normally handle pain but this was a bit much.

hee chul's eyes fell to a close as he waited, his itchy IV hand beginning to pester him. he knew not to scratch it but damn. he moved his hand up behind his head and relaxed, willing himself to not think about it. maybe the morphine would knock that problem right out as well. one could only hope.

he wondered if ee teuk would insist on a visit this time. the leader knew hee chul wasn't going to be in the hospital long but he saw it as bad manners to not visit the ill. hee chul was hoping the super junior happy events would keep him busy enough so that it wouldn't be possible for him, much less the other members, to stop on by.

the nurse came back in, and in good time, hee chul noted, and she was smiling once again. well, at least one of them was happy.

"we're good to go!" she exclaimed.

she messed around with the same machine and he heard a few beeps, silently hoping for some immediate relief. the nurse grabbed his chart and marked down whatever she needed to mark down, then she placed it back in its slot, her eyes drifting over to the right one more time.

"well, i'll let you rest."

hee chul nodded in thanks and brought his arm back down to lay at his side. he couldn't tell just yet if the effects were immediate. if it took a few minutes, he supposed that wouldn't be so bad, just as long as relief was on the way.

the nurse left again, this time closing the door behind her, allowing little to no noise into the room. maybe he could watch a little television? ah, perhaps not. although, if he got drugged up enough, everything would seem a bit funnier and he could do with some laughter.

"all doped up yet?" came a deep voice moments later from near the foot of the bed.

hee chul sat up a bit and raised an eyebrow, recognizing the voice, but he couldn't see anybody. the lights were kinda shadow-y down that way and there was the curtain to his bed that ensured him some privacy.

slowly, that very curtain was pushed aside, revealing ki bum sitting there in the solitary chair in the room. the younger boy looked concerned, worn down, and sad.

"ki bum.. how long have you been sitting there?"

ki bum half smiled and leaned forward in his seat.

"oh, about two hours. you were asleep when i came in.. but i didn't want to leave until i got the chance to speak to you."

hee chul sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and breathed out through his nose.

"are you here alone?"

ki bum nodded and glanced down at his shoes. hee chul could tell something was bothering the other boy and he was just about to ask when ki bum took a deep breath and lifted his head up, his mouth open like he was about to reveal some secret that was weighing heavy on his shoulders.

"are uh, are you in a lot of pain?"

hee chul's eyes widened a little and for a few moments, he was silent, then he shrugged.

"no, not a lot. i've got morphine."

he pointed up to the machine the nurse had fiddled with earlier and slightly grinned at his friend. ki bum let out a slight laugh as his fingers on one hand began to play with the fingers on his other, like one does when they're nervous.

"that's good. it's probably better if you're doped up for this.." ki bum mumbled.

hee chul raised the same eyebrow and shifted uncomfortably in his bed.

"for what?"

it was ki bum's turn to shift uncomfortably. he sat back in his seat and reached his hand up to scratch his chin, his other hand pushing at the knee of his jeans.

"i've missed you," he whispered, his eyes downcast.

hee chul's expression fell from confused to sad. sighing, he brought his hand, the one without the IV in it, up to his forehead and he rubbed it.

"ki bummie.."

ki bum abruptly got up from the chair and walked alongside the bed, his hand touching over the blanket covering his older bandmate.

"we were damn near inseperable. you took care of me."

ki bum's soft, sincerely issued words were plucking at hee chul's drugged up heartstrings. it was easy to always be together when their careers were keeping them on the same path, but as their acting took different turns, so did they, and even though they were close, it was hard to keep that inseparability intact when one was doing one thing and the other was doing something completely different, somewhere completely different.

"i took care of you.." ki bum continued, his hand now resting ontop of hee chul's itchy IV hand, which wasn't so itchy anymore.

"it's been different since you moved out," hee chul finally spoke.

ki bum's eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head, his hand gripping the weak one beneath it.

"excuses." he gruffly mumbled under his breath.

"it's the truth, you moved out and it was just han kyung and i and -"

hee chul fell silent when the other's glare caught him offguard. was it the mention of their other member that sent ki bum rigid? all hee chul knew was that ki bum had released hee chul's hand and now had his arms folded over his chest, his eyes still glaring at him.

"didn't know lovers were as exchangeable as the living arrangements."

his voice sounded hurt and hee chul flinched at both that and the word 'lover'. is that what ki bum still thought of them as? neither had even touched the other in.. god knows how long. hee chul's mind was starting to get a little fuzzy and his body was feeling.. light, for lack of a better word. he silently wished ki bum would hold his hand again so that it didn't feel like he'd float away.

"lovers.." hee chul whispered.

ki bum looked down at the floor in front of his feet, huffing quietly and shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

"i don't -" hee chul started.

ki bum shook his head and walked back towards the chair, his breath coming out heavy as it blew out of his mouth. he slowly took his seat, one leg resting up against the other, and he let his head fall forward, his eyes watching his knees.

"it's been so long, i don't -"

"who cares how long it's been?" ki bum's voice had raised some. "we never stopped caring about each other! we never.. i never.." his voice trailed off and eventually disappeared, his eyes half closed and sad.

hee chul closed his eyes and swallowed hard, now wishing he had the pain as a distraction, which he now didn't have. part of him was grateful the meds had kicked in but wow, this couldn't be happening at a worse time.

"even when we were together," ki bum's voice was quiet and his eyes looked anywhere but at hee chul. "i thought you and han kyung were closer than you said. i was jealous, always so jealous, and i hated how young i was. i didn't want to be so attached, knowing it would hurt worse when it'd be over but.. you never ended it. you never even hinted to it being over, so i just.. i thought you loved me. i thought regardless of where i lived or what i did.. that you would still.."

ki bum's words were reaching hee chul deep down in the very depths of his heart. this boy.. he was the very first boy that made hee chul feel differently than normal and it was real, it was downright pure, but it had faded over the last year and a half. things had changed, people changed. he had no idea that ki bum was still hanging on.

"why didn't you tell me you were coming in here? i had to find out from kang in hyung when i called the house."

"because it was only going to be for a week and you know i hate visitors." hee chul was fiddling with the hem of his blanket, half wanting to pull it up over his head and pretend he wasn't in the room.

"but i'm me," ki bum was quick to retort. "i'm supposed to mean something."

hee chul sighed and moved to sit up a little, his hands rubbing over his arms. he wasn't normally as emotional as he was feeling right now and both he and ki bum knew of his weakened state, due to the drugs administered to him for his pain. it was almost like ki bum planned this all along, although hee chul knew better than that. ki bum wasn't some evil mastermind. he was just a boy.

"please don't take it personally."

"it is personal!" not only did ki bum's voice become raised again, but he also rose up from his seat, almost angrily, and he walked back up to hee chul's side. "it's very personal! you're the love of my life and i feel like i've lost you, that i never was that to you, that every day i've spent filming, spent away from you, missing you, has meant absolutely nothing! how is you avoiding me something i shouldn't take personally? how can you tell me not to feel this way?"

hee chul was taken back by the strong words the boy spoke, and of how confident he seemed in his feelings. wow, this was serious.

"love of your life?"

for a moment, ki bum looked ashamed, embarrassed, but that moment quickly passed, for the very next moment, ki bum had reached his rough hands out and taken ahold of hee chul's delicate face. he leaned down and firmly pressed his lips to the other's stunned mouth, kissing him for the first time in a long time. ki bum only wanted hee chul to remember the very feelings he had just admitted to because he knew, he just knew, that hee chul had to feel that way, even now.

hee chul was shocked, even though he shouldn't have been. ki bum was always taking the initiative, much like hee chul did. having ki bum's lips against his own was almost surreal. it had been a while. it felt like.. a glass of water after walking through the desert for a day, or a breath of fresh air after being underwater for way too long. he lifted his hand up and cupped the back of ki bum's head, holding him in place and kissing him back softly.

ki bum let out a soft noise of surprise at the feel of hee chul's hand on his head and.. he was kissing back? he was kissing back. he gently moved his thumb over hee chul's cheek, caressing the skin and remembering how soft it always was.

"mm.. bummie.."

it felt like hee chul was forgetting himself in this, letting himself get lost in these kisses, which he was sure was ki bum's plan.

the kisses came to an abrupt stop though, seeing as the noise hee chul made caught ki bum slightly off guard. not that he didn't like it, it was just.. maybe he didn't need to talk at all. maybe he could just spend the next half hour making out with him and they maybe might just fall into their old ways. ah, he knew that was wishful thinking.

ki bum had pulled away a few inches, his breathing shallow, his chest heaving, and hee chul looked at the younger boy, his hand moving down onto ki bum's cheek, which he stroked delicately the same way ki bum had touched his cheek. he smiled a little then let his head rest down on hee chul's chest. the older of the two could feel ki bum's choked back sobs and it almost broke his heart. he gently ran his hand over the back of ki bum's neck.

"oh ki bum.. shh.."

he was never that great at comforting another and it was already awkward enough having ki bum upset like this. he'd seen it a few times before but it was acting, it was nothing like this. ki bum was always so tough, so closed off emotionally, so for him to do this, to just break down like this.. it was unreal.

"am i.. so easily.. replaceable?"

his voice came out in shaky parts and now hee chul's eyes were beginning to sting. as if tears were threatening to make an appearance. fighting that as best he could, hee chul sighed, yet continued to run his fingers over the back of the boy's neck.

"no, you're the only you."

ki bum scoffed and pulled away, standing up straight and looking down at hee chul, not caring if the embarrassing wetness around his eyes could be seen.

"i'm not a child, you don't have to lie to me."

"i wouldn't lie to you."

ki bum shook his head and put his hands down on the bed, his fingers gripping the excess blanket, his eyes once again focused on the floor. hee chul couldn't help but just look at the boy. he didn't know what to do. he'd never dealt with this and he certainly wasn't expecting such emotion from ki bum, especially since he rarely expressed any before. is that what hee chul liked about the younger male? about them? their lack of commitment yet an unspoken loyalty. deep down, he cared greatly for the boy.

he reached a hand out and placed it ontop of one of ki bum's shaky hands.

"why are you so convinced that i've betrayed you with han kyung?"

ki bum stayed silent, aside from his heavy breathing, and despite hee chul's desire to be rid of this situation, his desire to hold and comfort ki bum was stronger.

"you haven't argued otherwise. he was brought up forever ago and you haven't said one word against my implications."

hee chul sighed and wrapped his fingers around ki bum's hand, holding it tightly.

"ki bum."

he didn't look up.

"kim ki bum." a little bit more stern of a call, and ki bum lifted his head, his eyes catching hee chul's.

"you are many years younger than me and han kyung is closer to my age. sometimes, a person needs someone like that to talk to, relate to, and honestly, when you live with someone, you get close to them. so it -"

"it was all about convenience. i was just convenient for you."

hee chul took a deep breath and squeezed the boy's hand, becoming frustrated with having to explain so much. after all, he was in a hospital and he was meant to be recovering, not sorting through past relationships and old feelings.

"trust me, being with you was anything but convenient. convenient would be having a relationship that i can share with the public, that i don't have to hide from everyone i care about for sake of my career... you think falling for someone is convenient? no, that's the last thing it was."

it was easy to see how conflicted ki bum felt over what hee chul had just said. he admitted to his feelings, that was what ki bum wanted to hear, but still.. it was wrapped up in an unpleasant package.

"well.. that'll never happen for us. the.. convenient thing."

"i never thought it would. but you know, just the fact that no one knows anything, still.. tells me that you're one of the few people i can trust."

ki bum took a step closer to the bed and placed his free hand ontop of hee chul's which was covering his other hand.

"that'll never change. you.. you talk about needing someone your own age to talk to but.. you always used to confide in me. it didn't matter that i was younger. did your faith in me change or just.. disappear when i moved back home with my parents?"

even though ki bum had such strong, manly features, he had soft eyes, and hee chul got caught up in them. whenever ki bum was sad, he wanted to make him happy again.

"no, it.." he sighed and shut his eyes for a brief second. "it was a big change, going from seeing you every night before i fell asleep and every morning when i woke up to only seeing you at rehearsals and performances, maybe the occasional variety show.. i'm not blaming you for it, i know you did what you had to and that's okay, it was just a crazy time."

after hee chul shrugged, ki bum exhaled loudly and rubbed over hee chul's knuckles gently. he knew hee chul wasn't trying to make him feel bad for his decision, but he did feel bad. he felt sick to his stomach, actually, knowing that it was mostly his fault that the two of them had fallen apart. regardless of the hectic schedule he had, ki bum always had hee chul on his mind and he wanted to get that point across to the older boy.

"i never meant to leave you behind.. you've always been in my heart." he mumbled, and now he felt a bit embarrassed for his choice of words, even if he was being frank.

hee chul faintly smiled and began to gently move his fingers against ki bum's. he felt a little embarrassed for him, too. being so open was something that neither of them were good at.

"hyung," ki bum quietly called, his eyes downcast once again. "be honest with me. about han kyung. please."

hee chul bit at his lip and inhaled deeply, his fingers coming to a stop. he didn't really want to tell the boy the complete truth but.. did he owe him that? after everything they'd said, admitted to, maybe it was for the best. he didn't want to upset him, though. if only ki bum had waited for a better time when hee chul wasn't subdued and emotional from pain meds.

"ki-"

"please, hee chul." he looked up at hee chul with those dark, soft eyes, his hand giving hee chul's hand a squeeze.

he took a deep breath and looked away for a moment, exhaling almost painfully. "we've been dating off and on," he finally answered.

he was grateful he had looked away so that he couldn't see ki bum's face because he could only imagine the expression on it. he felt ki bum's grip give way and eventually, he pulled his hand away completely.

"dating?"

"yeah. we haven't been on many dates, as you can imagine. we -"

"no, i don't want to imagine."

hee chul fell silent and furrowed his eyebrows. well, he didn't mean what he said, as you can imagine was just a figure of speech, a phrase that people used.

"i didn't mean -"

"it doesn't matter. do you love him?"

did he love han kyung? why did ki bum keep asking questions that he really didn't want to know the answers to? it would only make things harder and strained between them.

"i don't know, ki bum."

"how can you not know?"

hee chul turned his head back and looked at ki bum, who had such a blank look on his face. "i just.. i don't. i care about him and enjoy spending time with him. it sucks when he's in china and i'm stuck here, but love? like, in love? i don't know."

"do you love me?"

not the best time to take a nice giant pause but hee chul was beginning to think this was never going to end. the questions, this conversation, not him and ki bum. there was never a start and obviously, no clear end, so maybe closure was what ki bum truly sought.

"you should stop asking questions, ki bum."

ki bum opened his mouth and went to speak but no words came out. he had a feeling hee chul wouldn't answer him anyway. he was beginning to regret doing other things, things away from super junior, because this falling out was destroying him.

eventually, after standing there in silence for over five minutes, ki bum walked over to the chair he had been sitting in and grabbed his jacket which he'd laid over the top. he pulled it on and sighed, shoving his shaky hands into his coat pockets.

"missing you is painful. but knowing that i'm going through this and it doesn't mean anything.. makes it even harder."

he turned and walked towards the door, his eyes finally dry, his emotions exhausted.

"ki bum, i never said that it -"

"it's okay." ki bum stopped and looked back, giving hee chul one of his smiles, a smile that the other actor could easily recognize as fake. "really. it's better this way because now i know. get better soon, yea? i'll see you when you're out."

and moments later, ki bum had left the room.

all hee chul could think about was needing more morphine for the now present pain in his chest. who puts someone who just had surgery through this kinda crap? he needed a serious vacation.

he really hated hospitals.

35 : HEARTACHE, THY WORD IS MUM

Wed, 14 May 2008 03:39:16 GMT

title: heartache, thy word is mum
author: attell
rating: uhh pg-ish? idk it's not too graphic at all
pairing: hee chul/shi won
notes: challenge #35 : blind. i don't intend on leaving this fic as is, i hope to expand. maybe make a chapter fic out of it!

it started how it always starts. with a single slightly drunken, maybe very drunken, kiss.

clothes had been discarded, inhibitions forgotten. a bed was fumbled into, one of the pair still trying to remove their pants. there was a quiet giggle then a chuckle, the clink of a belt buckle being dropped to the ground piercing through the silence. soft gasps followed, playful in nature, and moments later, movement continued and the troublesome pants were removed and tossed aside.

"you're so loud," hee chul mumbled, his mischievous fingers smoothing over his own pale stomach since the other's wasn't close enough for him to do the same to.

hee chul had gone ahead and laid himself out on the bed while the other dealt with his pants issue, watching his drunken companion through slitted, hazy eyes. his cheeks were flushed from the alcohol he'd consumed and all the laughing he'd done from the origin of their drinking to this bedroom; needless to say, it was a long trip.

"well... buttons are tricky," shi won confessed with a short laugh and a grin as he moved onto the bed on all fours, his voice hushed while slowly climbing up hee chul's slender body, looking over every inch which was exposed just for him.

hee chul's hands lifted up from his stomach and touched to shi won's face, almost tentatively at first, then waited for the other to reach his destination right above him before sliding his fingers up and threading them through that soft, dark hair. shi won's eyes closed momentarily at this and a pleased sigh passed his slightly swollen lips, the very lips hee chul couldn't take his eyes off of. without much thought (aside from "man, i want those lips on me"), one mouth found the other, a quiet shocked gasp shared between the two. there was something electric, downright sinful, about the feeling each kiss brought about. like another kind of alcohol, something addictive, something that may be harmful.

every so often, a coherent sane thought would pass through hee chul's brain, and then each one was squashed by a drunken thought or urge that would follow immediately after. stop it, you know better. sinners have more fun than saints. there's gonna be consequences. who cares? there's nakedness and that's all that matters.

"you need kissing lessons." hee chul announced with a grin once their mouths broke apart from one another's.

shi won would've been offended if he wasn't so blasted from the evening's events.

"you need to shut up and admit you like it," shi won replied. "i'm great at kissing."

by this time, hee chul had begun to remove his hands from shi won's hair, one hand slipping down onto the younger boy's cheek.

"maybe when you aren't drunk."

shi won scoffed and shook his head just barely, then he did something that hee chul was just taken by. shi won turned his head enough to press a sweet little kiss to hee chul's palm. it was the single most charming thing that'd ever happened to him. normally, everything was laced with sarcasm and wit, but despite the drunkenness, it seemed sincere.

"i'll have to prove myself later then, won't i?" shi won proposed.

hee chul was still stunned from the special kiss that what the other had said didn't register at first, but after about ten seconds, he blinked and his previous drunken mindset seemed to set back in.

"you've got enough proving to do right now, so get to it." hee chul smirked and lifted his leg up somewhat, seductively moving his inner thigh along shi won's hip.

"morning," came shi won's groggy voice from the doorway to the kitchen. hee chul was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, sipping at it every so often.

almost simultaneously, they looked at each other, shi won's eyes tired and small under his heavy eyebrows while hee chul looked alert. deciding to not let it be awkward, hee chul spoke up rather quickly.

"you look like hell."

shi won chuckled and walked over towards the coffee pot to get himself some of that warm caffeinated goodness.

"i look better than you, on my worst day," he replied with a slight grin, casting a look hee chul's way.

the older male smirked and shook his head, his finger running along the rim of his mug.

"if i wasn't hungover, i'd go over there and make you eat those words."

shi won's grin faltered momentarily but he quickly recovered and scoffed at the other's remark.

"sorry, sorry. what i meant to say was, you're very pretty." he said with a quiet laugh afterwards. he poured the coffee into the cup and turned around so he could lean back against the counter, holding the warm cup in both of his cold hands.

hee chul laughed lightly and slowly rose from his seat.

"you're damn right i am. a blind man could see that." hee chul flipped a few strands of his hair over his shoulder, his weight shifting so his hip kinda jutted out as if he had attitude.

"actually, he couldn't," shi won had to say. "that's kinda the down side to the blind thing."

the only one to find this funny was shi won, and he was okay with being the only person laughing in the room. hee chul, on the other hand, was staring him down and wishing he had lasers that shot out of his eyes so that he could use them on the other boy.

"always have to be so technical," he grumbled.

it seemed to go unnoticed though, because at the same moment, both could hear some of the other members moving around and hee chul was sure that was what caused shi won to walk so quickly across the room and appear right up beside him, in whispering distance.

"we're not going to.. say anything, right? i mean, last night, that wasn't me. i don't do that kinda stuff. i'm not like that..." shi won rattled off a few more variations of 'i'm not gay' and hee chul eventually silenced him by placing a hand on the back of shi won's neck.

"mum is the word," hee chul whispered, although all the while, he was fawning over the other's cute bed head and the way his smile was even cuter when he was sleepy.

shi won did smile at hee chul's words, then he set off out of the kitchen just as ee teuk was walking in. the two oldest exchanged a silent glance, hee chul's a bit somber than normal, then ee teuk went on his way to the coffee pot while hee chul took his seat again, his finger running along the rim of his cup once more.

14 : GINGERBREAD DONG HAE

Wed, 14 May 2008 02:09:16 GMT

title: gingerbread dong hae
author: attell
rating: just kid's stuff!!
pairing: hee chul/dong hae
notes: challenge #14 : home

"stop eating the gumdrops, dong hae!" hee chul told him for the sixth time right as he had popped a purple gum drop into his mouth. dong hae gave a wide smile, his teeth concealing the gum drop behind it, then he turned a little bit away so he could chew up the candy and hee chul wouldn't see.

hee chul placed the last graham cracker on the "roof" and smiled at his accomplishment, and he did mostly all of it without the help of his "partner" in this endeavor.

"this is going to be an ugly house if you keep eating the decorations, you know."

"i only had two! they're good, i'm sorry."

dong hae pouted a little as he twirled his pointer finger around in a circle in the bowl of gum drops. they were a rare treat for him and he was a sucker for candy. hee chul knew better than to leave dong hae in charge of anything when food was involved but he didn't want to do this whole thing by himself.

"you had at least eight, and all the purple ones. look!" hee chul pointed. "and you're fingering all the rest!"

dong hae scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"fine, you can do it."

after rolling his eyes, hee chul handed the jar of whipped marshmellow over to his compadre.

"we're in this together, goofy."

the younger male took the jar and grabbed the knife that was already in it then began pushing and pulling it up and down into the jar.

"what do i do with this?"

"i want you to lightly and evenly coat the roof so i can lay the chocolate bar squares on top." hee chul directed. he was holding a wrapped chocolate bar which he was now unwrapping while dong hae continued to stab the marshmellow spread. he didn't really want to do that, he was having a good time eating gum drops and getting yelled at for it.

hee chul set the unwrapped chocolate bar down on the table and looked at dong hae with a hand on his hip, the younger boy resting his head on his arm which was laid out on the table, and he looked bored.

"lee dong hae, we don't have all day."

as if he'd been smacked, dong hae sat up and grabbed the knife again, scraping out some of the spread and applying it to the top of their gingerbread house. for some reason, it ended up resting in globs, not nice and even layers, and dong hae found this funny.

"i said evenly!" hee chul shrieked.

and dong hae burst out into laughter.

"i'm trying, hyung! i'm trying!" and with every application of marshmellow spread, it just got worse.

"give me that!" hee chul ordered, snatching the utensil from dong hae's hand and taking the jar from the other. dong hae let him take both easily, he wasn't going to fight over the marshmellow spread, because now he could go around and eat candy out of the little bowls hee chul had dished out and set all over the table.

"don't you dare eat any of those m&m's." hee chul grumbled right as dong hae was reaching for the bowl.

dong hae whined in defeat and his shoulders deflated as he stayed in his seat, watching the other make the white spread all even and nice. this process was taking a long amount of time (of course it felt like that because he was antsy) but once it was done, seven or so minutes later, it did look pretty nice. hee chul set the jar and knife down and started on the chocolate squares as the shingles next.

while trying to make each square perfect and even, hee chul faded into his own little world and regretfully stopped keeping an eye on dong hae. by the time he'd finished one side of the roof, he noticed half the m&m's were eaten and dong hae was now putting whipped marshmellow on his face. he was making a mustache and covering his eyebrows with the stuff.

"oh, you have got to be kidding me."

dong hae giggled at hee chul's words and finally set the jar down, his task almost completed.

"i'm an old man!" he announced, jumping up excitedly from his seat while still perfecting his sugary, makeshift mustache.

hee chul wasn't impressed.

"i have to show hyuk jae," and with that, dong hae sprinted from the kitchen and into the living quarters, laughing all the way.

hee chul kept working and finished the roof around the same time dong hae reappeared, his white mustache and eyebrows smeared like his face had been attacked. his cheeks were red, probably from all the laughing, and his first order of business upon arriving back in the kitchen was to hug hee chul and give his cheek a kiss, and of course, some of the marshmellow transferred from one face to the other.

"AHH, GET OFF!" hee chul bellowed, shoving dong hae away, who was still laughing like this was the funniest thing in the world. "little shit," he mumbled.

the idea of retaliation popped into his head and he acted on it almost immediately. he grabbed the jar and dipped his hand in, pulling out a small handful and moments later, due to a failed escape, dong hae had white sticky stuff in his hair. hee chul rubbed it in and made sure to get it over as much as possible.

dong hae squealed and reached up, trying to push hee chul's hands away, and hee chul was the one laughing this time. dong hae grabbed some of the spread from his hair and smeared it on hee chul's forehead and nose, which abruptly stopped his laughter.

"oh, that's it."

first, hee chul grabbed the left over chocolate and threw it at dong hae almost playfully. at least dong hae was laughing and thought it was fun. soon, m&m's, candy canes, snow caps, and many other colorful candies were being thrown around between the two, squeals of delight and laughter filling the air.

minute after minute, perhaps five passed, and hee chul went to pick up the unfinished gingerbread house to throw.

"no no no," dong hae managed to get out between laughs.

"mhmm, it's the house's time." hee chul decided, his own laughter making him lightheaded.

dong hae moved forward to stop him and next thing hee chul knew, the younger boy disappeared with a thud. he set the house down and leaned over the table, peeking down at dong hae who was sprawled out on the floor, giggling silently. chocolate syrup, m&m's, melted and stepped on chocolate squares, and a whole bunch of other crap littered the floor and wow, did they have a mess to clean up.

"you okay?"

the laughter finally subsided and hee chul walked around to help dong hae if he needed it. he didn't intend to but he wanted to laugh the moment he really saw what dong hae looked like after their battle. his hair sticking up every which way with this white stuff in it, the same white stuff smeared all over his face, his clothes, and a few of the smaller candies were stuck to his cheek.

"we just need to put some graham crackers on you, hang some candy canes on your ears, and you can be our gingerbread house."

dong hae lifted his hand up to hee chul, a purple gum drop between his sticky, white fingers.

"want a gum drop?"

057 : SLEEPY GILLS

Tue, 13 May 2008 04:41:52 GMT

title: sleepy gills
author: attell
rating: oh it's kids stuff
pairing: dong hae/kyu hyun
notes: this is my first fic of the challenge, #57, and it's been a long time since i've written a short pwp so i hope it turned out alright!

any night where his head met a pillow was a good night. dong hae was exhausted from the activites of the day and all he wanted to do was close his eyes and let sleep take him over. he was convinced there was nothing more he could do for anyone in his sleepy state so the moment he decided he was going to bed, he made sure the rest of the members knew it. it was bad enough being away from home and all the others that he loved so dearly, so sleep was really his only comfort. it made the time go faster, at least.

"are you asleep, hyung?" came kyu hyun's voice from the door.

dong hae had already hidden his head under a pillow and thrown the covers up and over himself, intent on staying that way for the night, but when he heard the question directed at him, he slowly pushed the pillow off of his head and peeked over at kyu hyun.

"not yet," he answered, shifting around a bit so that he could see the other boy better.

kyu hyun was happy at this and came on inside, instantly climbing onto the bed and crawling up beside dong hae, settling comfortably.

"henry and wookie are playing a game and i was bored."

"i'm not much for entertainment," dong hae was quick to reply, now laying on his side facing kyu hyun, the blankets pulled up close under his chin.

"that's okay, i don't mind the silence."

kyu hyun curled up a bit and nuzzled his face against the pillow that wasn't being used by the other boy, his fingers gripping the soft fabric so it wouldn't move as he nuzzled. the two stayed quiet for maybe five minutes, dong hae's eyes shut as he began to drift while kyu hyun was wide awake, watching dong hae with a small smile. they all needed rest of course so seeing any of the members look so peaceful made him happy.

then a weird thought crept into his head.

"hyung?"

dong hae's eyes opened almost right away, seeing as the two were pretty close and the sudden voice filling the silence startled him.

"hmm?"

slender fingers were suddenly upon dong hae's cheek, brushing over his skin very gently and slowly, as if they were investigating.

"shouldn't you have scales?" kyu hyun pondered outloud.

a pause, followed by a sleepy "what?"

"you're called fishy, you know? fishy, scales.." he explained with eyebrows raised, then after a few seconds, he shrugged and drew his hand back.

it took dong hae a few minutes to get this, he was that tired, but once he understood, laughter escaped him. he freed his arm from its blanket-y prison and laid it over the boy, tugging him closer. kyu hyun must be bored if this was the stuff he was thinking about, dong hae thought to himself. kyu was now laughing a little as well, you know, contagious laughter.

"i don't need scales, i'm that cool." dong hae boasted.

"all fish have scales, though. i think..." and kyu hyun was then lost in thought. dong hae watched the other's eyebrows knit together and he grinned, kyu hyun looking off.

"well, what are we going to do about this?"

kyu hyun looked back at dong hae with a blank expression as if to say 'what do you mean? can you sprout scales?'

"um-"

after that little 'um', dong hae pushed the covers off and pulled himself up out of the bed. he went over to his little bag with some of his drawing stuff (he was a doodler when he was bored) and pulled out a black washable marker. he smiled and went back over to the bed with it, climbing up onto it and holding the marker and his own bare arm out to kyu hyun, who was sitting up and watching dong hae.

"give me some!"

kyu hyun's eyes lit up and he chuckled, taking the marker and uncapping it.